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Real World Portland, Episode 4 Review: Hurricane Nia Has Landed

The housemates welcome new resident, Nia.

In what has easily been the most anticipated arrival of a new character on a Real World show (and also, easily the most boring departure from a show, thanks Joi), Nia has finally arrived on scene in Portland.

Almost immediately, it is clear (to both those watching and her new roommates) that Nia is either a complete sociopath or genius. The episode starts off with Nia being warmly welcomed into their humble Portland abode, and no one seems shocked that she lacks both the Southern accent and white skin that she claimed to have in a previous phone conversation. They carry on, listening to Nia brag about juggling three different guys at home and tell stories about how a ghost follows her around and steals her clothes.

But soon after this, Operation: Win Everyone Over starts, and Nia begins her rounds of cornering each roommate and finding out the inner workings that make each one of them tick the way they do. She starts first with Avery, wheedling out of her vulnerable stories about child abuse and complimenting her on her strength for overcoming all of that. Almost immediately, Avery is hooked and Nia is in with Avery. Hence, first example of how Nia is either a sociopath or a genius. Welp, onto the next.

After going out to a bar that night, Nia soon ropes in Anastasia and starts to understand that everyone (nearly) hates Jordan, leading her into her first real evil plan: Trick Jordan into falling in love with her, so that she can turn the tables on him, embarrass him, and ultimately destroy him from the inside out.

What a sweet girl.

Meanwhile, all this time, Marlon is being used like a Kleenex in the first days of spring. He is so obviously into Nia that it hurts the viewers watching it all – all he’s looking for is a nice, African-American woman to open up to and share life with. She casually goes along with his crush and even plays into it, giving him the complete wrong idea about who she is and what she is capable of. Viewers are soon convinced that she has completely forgotten about her second operation, Operation: Kill Jordan’s Spirit, and are lead to believe that she and Marlon will hook up and become a lovely couple.

We had no idea.

By the time the housemates all get back to the house from the bars, Nia has flipped a switch in her head, honing in on Jordan as her next victim. Claiming that it’s all being done for “research” and to “give him a taste of his own medicine,” Nia decides that the best way to humiliate Jordan is to offer to give him oral sex. In front of everyone. And before long, she is essentially¬†begging him to let her do the job (if you know what I mean).

Just after she’s been yelling at everyone to watch her do the deed with Jordan (on top of the pool table, nontheless… won’t be aiming for that 8 ball anytime soon), the episode ends.

And so, in true fashion of MTV, we are left with tons of questions and also, tons of judgements. One thing that is safe to say is, Hurricane Nia? More like Hurricane-Nia-That-Causes-Earthquake-And-In-Turn-Causes-Wildfire-Everywhere-And-Massive-Destruction. If that even made sense.

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