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The Bachelor Review: Biting Brothers and Gentle Generals

While last week’s episode of “The Bachelor” brought soulful and heartfelt cheers from across the US, this week’s episode brought confused and angry fans. There were fake ex-boyfriends, name-calling brothers, and doubtful mothers. AKA – a reality TV dream.

AshLee was the first of the four to welcome Sean to her hometown. Viewers got good shots of her playing in a field of flowers with her toy dog, before warmly greeting Sean and inviting him to her picnic. The two furthered their love when they discovered that both their fathers were in the religious business (that being said, one is a pastor, while the other is a reverend). Cue the many clichés from AshLee, such as “He will be the one to protect my heart” and”it’s like I’m surrounded by pixie dust.”

Soon after, Sean and AshLee met her adoptive parents in another location within aforementioned field, to dine at a table placed rather awkwardly there. Her father then demanded to know what they had been doing, where they had been doing, and who they had been doing it with. AshLee took this opportunity to gush about the lake (that she absolutely hated, if you remember correctly), and how when she submerged herself, she was submerging all of her abandonment issues. Which would have been a really interesting take on the situation, if she didn’t already gush about such things every time the camera men interviewed her.

AshLee’s dad was the highlight of this hometown date – watching him tell the story of how he fell in love with AshLee was heartfelt and beautiful. Those tears were the most real tears to fall from someone’s eyes since Tierra first cried wolf. But the witch is gone – so we shall speak no more of her!

AshLee and Sean seem to be the most widely accepted and stable couple out of all of the pairings, but they definitely aren’t my favorites. While I can easily imagine AshLee as Sean’s wife and the mother of three gorgeous, blue-eyed babies, they’re kinda boring together. Sorry not sorry.

Sean ventured to our own dear Pacific Northwest for his next hometown date with Catharine. They met each other in downtown Seattle, and viewers (including myself) ooh-ed and ahh-ed at Sean impressively catching three slimy fish tossed at him at Pike’s Place Market. Although Catharine remains my least favorite of the four girls remaining, I couldn’t help but smile at how naturally goofy and silly they both were together. My blood almost started to boil when I saw them dancing to the banjo together – whether out of anger or jealously, I’ll never know.

But their date took a turn for the very worst almost the moment that Sean stepped foot in Catharine’s household. While he easily won approval from Catharine’s “gramcracker” (grandmother), it proved harder with her sisters and her mother – much harder.

Sean didn’t appreciate that Catharine’s ridiculously good-looking family members didn’t necessarily entirely support the idea of falling in love on a reality TV show, but I was thankful to hear it. I appreciated hearing her sisters call her out for originally just wanting to go on the show for fun instead of actually “looking for love” with Sean. I was further impressed by Catharine’s mother, stating that they would “just see how it turns out” when Sean essentially asked for Catharine’s hand in marriage.

Lindsay was next for the hometown dates, inviting Sean to see her sleepy little town of Fort Leonard Wood, Mo. The date proved to be nothing less than absolutely adorable, from sharing cupcakes to strolling around “downtown.”

I absolutely ate up the entire military scene, where Lindsay has Sean dress in army gear and do various exercises, such as push-ups and jumping over logs and all that jazz. These two are by far my favorite pairing – they seem to have the most natural chemistry, and there’s nothing but giggles between them when they’re together.

Then again, I’m a giggly person as well, so maybe I just like them for their giggles.

Who knew “crazy wedding dress girl” would end up being my favorite?? I certainly didn’t see it coming.

I was afraid FOR Sean when he arrived to meet the family, and even more, for when he met with Lindsay’s father. Then I instantaneously felt bad – this man has a heart of gold, and though we did get a lecture on his 30-something years as a paratrooper, her dad stayed more “dad” then “general” and Sean was able to get a blessing from him.

Desiree welcomed Sean to her hometown of Los Angeles by greeting him at the top of a dirt trail – how romantic. She proceeded to tell the cameras – multiple times – that this is exactly what they would be doing as a “normal couple” in LA. You know, since they won’t have to be working anymore after all the publicity money they’ll receive after the show.

She eventually brought him back to her house (which was ridiculously nice – there is no way she lives there alone on a “bridal stylist” budget), where she informed Sean that all of the art on the walls she had done herself. I didn’t look too much, but the awkward flowers glued to the canvases said enough themselves.

It was here in the episode that Dez attempted to “get Sean back” after his prank on her earlier in the season. She hired a terrible actor to act like her ex-boyfriend, almost tempting Sean to start a fight. Afterwards, when she came clean, she rejoiced in the fact that Sean wasn’t a violent boyfriend.

…what a good way to test that.

It wasn’t too soon after that Dez’s brother decided he needed to take control of the situation, and tell it like it was to Sean. This meant calling him a “playboy” and declaring that Sean didn’t love Dez as much as she loved him. Attempts by Sean to defend himself proved fatal, as it only made brother angrier.

Her parents then awkwardly decided to speak about the weather, almost propelling Sean from his seat to avoid the weird situation.

Cue the Rose Ceremony – Lindsay and AshLee both had golden tickets, but Catharine and Dez were Sean’s mental battle. Dez definitely sensed this, and pulled Sean aside before the Rose Ceremony for one last plea for his heart.

Listening to Sean speak to the cameras after this only made it obvious that Dez was leaving, when he talked about how he would only keep her so that her heart wouldn’t break – not because he wanted to keep her.

And yet, I continued to watch as Dez’s fate was sealed, and Sean gave Catharine the rose – blasphemy!

We then watched as she pleaded a little more, and proceeded to inform him that he was making the biggest mistake of his life – I concur, Dez, I concur.

Until next week, my mini bachelors and bachelorettes!

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